Mentoring is a beautiful calling – but it can feel heavy when we misunderstand our role. This post is for the woman who wants to mentor well, but might be feeling pressure to be everything for her mentee.
If that’s you, take a deep breath. Let’s walk through four things a mentor is not – and why understanding these can bring real freedom.
It’s easy to feel like you need to fix or heal your mentee. But that’s not your role. While you offer guidance, encouragement, and wisdom, you are not her therapist.
Therapists are trained to navigate trauma, mental health, and emotional complexities. You are not expected – or equipped – to meet those needs. And that’s okay.
What to do instead:
Keep a short list of trusted Christian therapists in your area. Ask your pastor for recommendations and have those names ready in case your mentee ever needs that kind of support. This honors both your limitations and her well-being.
Accountability partners have a specific goal in mind – like going to the gym 5 days a week – and they push each other to meet it. That’s not your role.
You are not responsible for making sure your mentee sticks to her spiritual goals. You’re not there to drag her along or follow up when she misses her quiet time.
What to do instead:
Encourage her, absolutely. But set boundaries. Use the commitment letters in the free Mentor’s Manual to clearly define your roles. She’s responsible for her walk with Jesus – you’re there to support, not supervise.
"You're her tour guide towards Jesus, showing her the way to Him, not the way to you."
You can’t force faith to grow. You can’t make her read her Bible, believe more deeply, or mature faster. And that’s not a sign of failure – it’s a sign that you’re not God.
Your job is to sow seeds. To speak truth in love. To walk with her and point her to Jesus. But the growth? That’s God’s work.
Remember this:
God is the one that gives the increase, and God is the one who changes us, who turns our heart of stone into a heart of flesh. We cannot do any of that. We can only be faithful to what God has called us to.
Paul says in 1 Corinthians 3:6, “I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.” Your faithfulness matters – but the fruit is God’s doing.
Your mentee is not your second chance. She’s not your redemption arc. You are not mentoring her so you can feel better about your own past.
Your job is to point her to Jesus – not to yourself. Share your story, but don’t expect her to live it differently. If she walks a hard road you once walked, love her through it without the expectation that she “get it right” this time.
A good heart check:
Can you give advice without attaching your identity or emotions to her outcome? Can you still walk with her if she chooses differently? That’s mentoring maturity.
Don’t take it personally if she doesn’t apply your advice. If you see her choice as a personal insult, or as not caring about your advice, then it’s going to eat away at your relationship with her. Remember, you’re her tour guide towards Jesus, showing her the way to Him, not the way to you.
You are not her savior. You are not her fixer. You are not her manager.
You are her mentor – someone who walks alongside her, shares wisdom, and keeps pointing her back to Jesus.
So take a breath. Let the weight fall off. You are free to mentor well – without pretending to be what you’re not.
Which of these four brought you the most relief?
Which tip will you implement first?
Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post! I hope it encouraged and equipped you to step into your role as a mentor with confidence and clarity.
If you found this helpful, I’d love for you to share it with another Christian woman who could use this wisdom too. Let’s spread the power of mentoring together! 💕
For more insights and encouragement, be sure to follow me on Instagram @risenmentor. Let’s connect and continue growing in this beautiful journey of mentorship!
Until next time, keep walking in faith and mentoring well!
I equip and encourage Christian women to mentor, and to mentor well.
Are you a Christian woman wondering if you should be mentoring someone? Discover 5 biblical reasons why mentoring matters and how to begin your mentoring journey today.
Feeling unqualified to mentor? Discover three common beliefs that may be holding you back – and the biblical, practical steps to overcome them and start mentoring with confidence.
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